Still playin catch up

Ok I guess I will fill you in on my life between the lines of my last post. As I pointed out previously I have dated a few guys who all for the most part ended up being jerks! Where to start?

How about Kevin I guess I wouldn't say that we really dated but for lack of a better term we will call it that. I litterally did everything for him and got shit in return for the better part of a year and a half. But I guess I have to say that if it were not for him I would not have ever met some of the people that I have and for that I am thankful.

Then there was Matt who lied to me from the minute I met him. But there is a funny story around how we met so here goes. I was at the bar (Playoffs, this is where we spent alot of nights) one night with some friends. Jessica and I went to get some drinks and found some seats at the bar to wait for our turn. I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and looked and there was a good looking guy standing there that I have never seen before. I smiled and he said you are in my seat. Not exactly what I expected but whatever, I said that I was sorry and got up he joked for a minute we got our drinks and returned to our friends. A bit later the same guy approached me and asked if I would be his partner for a pool game. I said sure like I said he was good looking. I followed him to the pool tables and he introduced me to Matt and James (By the way I have no idea what the other guys name was and you will know why in a bit) We began to play and I will just tell you I thought I was bad at pool he sucked! I came time for him to sing his song for Karoke so that left me and Matt and James we then discovered that not only did he suck at pool but he could not sing and not only that none of us had met him before that night. The three of us hit it off and had a good time, that is until he decided to rejoin us and open his mouth. He asked me where I was from and I told him Warrenton and he proceded to say oh nice Warrenton girls are easy. Yeah he said it! Me not knowing what to say I walked over and grabbed my beer and told Matt and James that it was nice to meet them and if they wanted to hangout with us I would be back over at my table with my friends. They did decide to join us and we hung out the rest of the night. Matt told me that night that he was 22 and asked me to go out with him the next night I said yes because He was as well good looking. We met the next day and had our date not having our liquid courage we were both a little nervous. That all melted away after a bit and we hung out almost all day. I had to later go pick up Kevin from work yes the Kevin from above I told you I did everything for him. On the way Matt told me that he had something he needed to tell me and he was not sure I was gonna like it. As you can guess I was not sure if I wanted to hear it then he said it "I'm only 19" The first thing that came to my mind was HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I didnt know what to say. I will just say things just didnt work out between us. A little side note Now that I am not living in STL anymore Kevin moved in with James (Matts friend from the bar) and now Kevin and Matt are good friends which is strange for me because Kevin and I are still very close and I like to see him when I visit and Matt is around.

Then there was Jason Which I would not call things between us anything more than just physical so you can guess how that worked out!

And now here is the kicker, Jonathan, how do I put this he is my best friend/room mate/ and kevins cousin. Yeah you can imagine how interesting things can get with that combo. This is the person that I talked to about everything and I mean everything. He knows everything about me we lived together so if I brought someone home he knew about it. Everything was very normal between us until I decided to move back to Arkansas and he freaked out trying everything to get me to stay which I just thought was him not wanting his friend to move away. But I asked him to help me move you know like drive the uhaul because I didnt want to have to. He said he would so he and I got on the road one Thursday afternoon and we were on our way. While we were here some things happend that shouldnt have I will be the first to admit that, things between me and an old friend of mine from here. Jonathan told me that Friday night on the way back to my parents from the bar after everything happened that he was in love with me I was drunk and I had no idea what to say I was in shock this is the last thing I ever expected. I had no idea he felt that way. He told me that he had felt that way for months. He told me that in spite of everything that had happened and in spite of all the stupid shit I had done in my past he wanted to be with me and he would not hold any of it against me. The more I thought about it the more it made sense to me because we knew each other so well. So we gave it a try. A week later he told me that he could not be with me because he had trust issues. Mainly because he was still in STL and I was here in the same town with the old friend.

Ok I guess I should give you a little back ground on my relationship with Shane my old friend. He has been one of my best friends for years and I have in the past told Jonathan that He was everything I could ever want in a man and more. I will not lie part of me loves Shane to this day but I know that it would never work between us. For too many reasons to get into. What my dear Jonathan doesnt get is that I have no expectations of ever being with Shane and that is my past. Also Now that I have been back and spent time with Shane as friends we do not have the same connection that we used to. Being apart for a year and a half we have both changed he does not get me like he used to and he does not love me and all of my flaws like Jonathan does.

Ok needless to say I am still trying to convience Jonathan of how good we would be together and we are getting there slowly. I am not really in too much of a hurry because I dont want to mess it up. I will keep you up to date.