Sunday, June 15, 2008
I just dont get it!
Can someone please tell me what the hell is wrong with me? So all I have ever wanted is a nice guy that can make me laugh. Well I finally find one and there is just simply no spark there for me. I have no freaking clue what it is there is just something missing. What am I gonna do? Dont get me wrong I had fun with this guy but I cant see it going past friendship for me. So here I am still looking.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Still playin catch up
Ok I guess I will fill you in on my life between the lines of my last post. As I pointed out previously I have dated a few guys who all for the most part ended up being jerks! Where to start?
How about Kevin I guess I wouldn't say that we really dated but for lack of a better term we will call it that. I litterally did everything for him and got shit in return for the better part of a year and a half. But I guess I have to say that if it were not for him I would not have ever met some of the people that I have and for that I am thankful.
Then there was Matt who lied to me from the minute I met him. But there is a funny story around how we met so here goes. I was at the bar (Playoffs, this is where we spent alot of nights) one night with some friends. Jessica and I went to get some drinks and found some seats at the bar to wait for our turn. I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and looked and there was a good looking guy standing there that I have never seen before. I smiled and he said you are in my seat. Not exactly what I expected but whatever, I said that I was sorry and got up he joked for a minute we got our drinks and returned to our friends. A bit later the same guy approached me and asked if I would be his partner for a pool game. I said sure like I said he was good looking. I followed him to the pool tables and he introduced me to Matt and James (By the way I have no idea what the other guys name was and you will know why in a bit) We began to play and I will just tell you I thought I was bad at pool he sucked! I came time for him to sing his song for Karoke so that left me and Matt and James we then discovered that not only did he suck at pool but he could not sing and not only that none of us had met him before that night. The three of us hit it off and had a good time, that is until he decided to rejoin us and open his mouth. He asked me where I was from and I told him Warrenton and he proceded to say oh nice Warrenton girls are easy. Yeah he said it! Me not knowing what to say I walked over and grabbed my beer and told Matt and James that it was nice to meet them and if they wanted to hangout with us I would be back over at my table with my friends. They did decide to join us and we hung out the rest of the night. Matt told me that night that he was 22 and asked me to go out with him the next night I said yes because He was as well good looking. We met the next day and had our date not having our liquid courage we were both a little nervous. That all melted away after a bit and we hung out almost all day. I had to later go pick up Kevin from work yes the Kevin from above I told you I did everything for him. On the way Matt told me that he had something he needed to tell me and he was not sure I was gonna like it. As you can guess I was not sure if I wanted to hear it then he said it "I'm only 19" The first thing that came to my mind was HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I didnt know what to say. I will just say things just didnt work out between us. A little side note Now that I am not living in STL anymore Kevin moved in with James (Matts friend from the bar) and now Kevin and Matt are good friends which is strange for me because Kevin and I are still very close and I like to see him when I visit and Matt is around.
Then there was Jason Which I would not call things between us anything more than just physical so you can guess how that worked out!
And now here is the kicker, Jonathan, how do I put this he is my best friend/room mate/ and kevins cousin. Yeah you can imagine how interesting things can get with that combo. This is the person that I talked to about everything and I mean everything. He knows everything about me we lived together so if I brought someone home he knew about it. Everything was very normal between us until I decided to move back to Arkansas and he freaked out trying everything to get me to stay which I just thought was him not wanting his friend to move away. But I asked him to help me move you know like drive the uhaul because I didnt want to have to. He said he would so he and I got on the road one Thursday afternoon and we were on our way. While we were here some things happend that shouldnt have I will be the first to admit that, things between me and an old friend of mine from here. Jonathan told me that Friday night on the way back to my parents from the bar after everything happened that he was in love with me I was drunk and I had no idea what to say I was in shock this is the last thing I ever expected. I had no idea he felt that way. He told me that he had felt that way for months. He told me that in spite of everything that had happened and in spite of all the stupid shit I had done in my past he wanted to be with me and he would not hold any of it against me. The more I thought about it the more it made sense to me because we knew each other so well. So we gave it a try. A week later he told me that he could not be with me because he had trust issues. Mainly because he was still in STL and I was here in the same town with the old friend.
Ok I guess I should give you a little back ground on my relationship with Shane my old friend. He has been one of my best friends for years and I have in the past told Jonathan that He was everything I could ever want in a man and more. I will not lie part of me loves Shane to this day but I know that it would never work between us. For too many reasons to get into. What my dear Jonathan doesnt get is that I have no expectations of ever being with Shane and that is my past. Also Now that I have been back and spent time with Shane as friends we do not have the same connection that we used to. Being apart for a year and a half we have both changed he does not get me like he used to and he does not love me and all of my flaws like Jonathan does.
Ok needless to say I am still trying to convience Jonathan of how good we would be together and we are getting there slowly. I am not really in too much of a hurry because I dont want to mess it up. I will keep you up to date.
How about Kevin I guess I wouldn't say that we really dated but for lack of a better term we will call it that. I litterally did everything for him and got shit in return for the better part of a year and a half. But I guess I have to say that if it were not for him I would not have ever met some of the people that I have and for that I am thankful.
Then there was Matt who lied to me from the minute I met him. But there is a funny story around how we met so here goes. I was at the bar (Playoffs, this is where we spent alot of nights) one night with some friends. Jessica and I went to get some drinks and found some seats at the bar to wait for our turn. I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and looked and there was a good looking guy standing there that I have never seen before. I smiled and he said you are in my seat. Not exactly what I expected but whatever, I said that I was sorry and got up he joked for a minute we got our drinks and returned to our friends. A bit later the same guy approached me and asked if I would be his partner for a pool game. I said sure like I said he was good looking. I followed him to the pool tables and he introduced me to Matt and James (By the way I have no idea what the other guys name was and you will know why in a bit) We began to play and I will just tell you I thought I was bad at pool he sucked! I came time for him to sing his song for Karoke so that left me and Matt and James we then discovered that not only did he suck at pool but he could not sing and not only that none of us had met him before that night. The three of us hit it off and had a good time, that is until he decided to rejoin us and open his mouth. He asked me where I was from and I told him Warrenton and he proceded to say oh nice Warrenton girls are easy. Yeah he said it! Me not knowing what to say I walked over and grabbed my beer and told Matt and James that it was nice to meet them and if they wanted to hangout with us I would be back over at my table with my friends. They did decide to join us and we hung out the rest of the night. Matt told me that night that he was 22 and asked me to go out with him the next night I said yes because He was as well good looking. We met the next day and had our date not having our liquid courage we were both a little nervous. That all melted away after a bit and we hung out almost all day. I had to later go pick up Kevin from work yes the Kevin from above I told you I did everything for him. On the way Matt told me that he had something he needed to tell me and he was not sure I was gonna like it. As you can guess I was not sure if I wanted to hear it then he said it "I'm only 19" The first thing that came to my mind was HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I didnt know what to say. I will just say things just didnt work out between us. A little side note Now that I am not living in STL anymore Kevin moved in with James (Matts friend from the bar) and now Kevin and Matt are good friends which is strange for me because Kevin and I are still very close and I like to see him when I visit and Matt is around.
Then there was Jason Which I would not call things between us anything more than just physical so you can guess how that worked out!
And now here is the kicker, Jonathan, how do I put this he is my best friend/room mate/ and kevins cousin. Yeah you can imagine how interesting things can get with that combo. This is the person that I talked to about everything and I mean everything. He knows everything about me we lived together so if I brought someone home he knew about it. Everything was very normal between us until I decided to move back to Arkansas and he freaked out trying everything to get me to stay which I just thought was him not wanting his friend to move away. But I asked him to help me move you know like drive the uhaul because I didnt want to have to. He said he would so he and I got on the road one Thursday afternoon and we were on our way. While we were here some things happend that shouldnt have I will be the first to admit that, things between me and an old friend of mine from here. Jonathan told me that Friday night on the way back to my parents from the bar after everything happened that he was in love with me I was drunk and I had no idea what to say I was in shock this is the last thing I ever expected. I had no idea he felt that way. He told me that he had felt that way for months. He told me that in spite of everything that had happened and in spite of all the stupid shit I had done in my past he wanted to be with me and he would not hold any of it against me. The more I thought about it the more it made sense to me because we knew each other so well. So we gave it a try. A week later he told me that he could not be with me because he had trust issues. Mainly because he was still in STL and I was here in the same town with the old friend.
Ok I guess I should give you a little back ground on my relationship with Shane my old friend. He has been one of my best friends for years and I have in the past told Jonathan that He was everything I could ever want in a man and more. I will not lie part of me loves Shane to this day but I know that it would never work between us. For too many reasons to get into. What my dear Jonathan doesnt get is that I have no expectations of ever being with Shane and that is my past. Also Now that I have been back and spent time with Shane as friends we do not have the same connection that we used to. Being apart for a year and a half we have both changed he does not get me like he used to and he does not love me and all of my flaws like Jonathan does.
Ok needless to say I am still trying to convience Jonathan of how good we would be together and we are getting there slowly. I am not really in too much of a hurry because I dont want to mess it up. I will keep you up to date.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
This is me
Where to start, I guess about 8 years ago will work. That was about the time that I moved to Northwest Arkansas from a very small town in South Arkansas. Back then I was quiet and shy and didnt have much of a social life much less even an idea of how to get beyond my shyness to go out and meet people. Not to mention I was dating this guy that I now know is a huge ass hole. So being shy and a bit of an introvert I sat at home by the phone waiting for a call. So that continued for a few years and then I started a new job. With this new job came new friends and more time out of the house. I was forced out of my shell by my new job and my new friends. I became more happy and more confident than I have ever been before. I became so confident that I started to realize that I could do so much better so after 8 years I ended the very bad relationship that should have ended long before that. No matter how bad it was it was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do and if it were not for my friends I dont think I would have ever gotten thru it!
So after I got past the pain I decided that it was time to get back out there and try to start dating. Well easier said than done right, I had no idea where to begin. When it came to men I was still shy and had no clue what to do. Because of this I put all of my focus into work and spent most of my free time out with my friends. Then after almost 2 years at my job I got the promotion that I have been working so hard for. With this promotion came a move that I was not sure I was ready for.
So I was off to STL, a place I have never been and knew not one person. I was scared shitless and didnt want to leave my comfort zone. I was faced with leaving my life here my friends and family. I didnt know if I was going to be able to handle it but at this point I didnt have much of a choice. Here is how it went down I got the call that I was promoted on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and by Sunday I was in STL looking for an apartment. All I took with me was my clothes and my parents were gonna bring everything else later after my apartment was ready.
So here I am in STL with nothing but a bag of clothes staying in a guest suite at my apartment complex waiting for mine to be ready and working 12 to 14 hours a day. Well in sticking to what I know I made friends with the people that I spent the most time with the people that I worked with. So as time moved on and before I knew it summer was here and I had a large group of friends. I had made a great life for myself and was having a blast. I had moved out of my apartment and into a house with my friend Kevin and his cousin. This was one of the best decisions that I could have ever made. Not only was it cheaper but I made some of the best friends that I have ever had in my life. Jonathan (Kevin's cousin) and I immediately hit it off and were instant friends. The whole neighborhood was like a block party everyone was in the same age group and we all got along for the most part. I was introduced to Jessica and Derek who live around the corner and that was it the 5 of us were together all the time! Jessica and I well there are really no words to describe we are alot alike but then again we balance each other out at the same time. It was not til about this time that I really started dating.
Well it was not too promising I dated some real jerks and had some interesting experiences to say the least. Then it came down to the fact that some things in my life really needed to change so after a lot of thought I made the decision to move back to Northwest Arkansas. This was not a decision that I wanted to make but I had a lot of things that I needed to get away from. My friends on the other hand I will miss terribly!
Well that kinda brings us up to the present I am living back here and I cant even tell you how different my life is here or should I say lack there of. I still have some friends here but most of them are married with kids and dont go out like I am used to. And of corse I am still looking for Mr Right. So keep an eye out I will be keeping you up to date on my search I am sure it will prove to be interesting!
So after I got past the pain I decided that it was time to get back out there and try to start dating. Well easier said than done right, I had no idea where to begin. When it came to men I was still shy and had no clue what to do. Because of this I put all of my focus into work and spent most of my free time out with my friends. Then after almost 2 years at my job I got the promotion that I have been working so hard for. With this promotion came a move that I was not sure I was ready for.
So I was off to STL, a place I have never been and knew not one person. I was scared shitless and didnt want to leave my comfort zone. I was faced with leaving my life here my friends and family. I didnt know if I was going to be able to handle it but at this point I didnt have much of a choice. Here is how it went down I got the call that I was promoted on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and by Sunday I was in STL looking for an apartment. All I took with me was my clothes and my parents were gonna bring everything else later after my apartment was ready.
So here I am in STL with nothing but a bag of clothes staying in a guest suite at my apartment complex waiting for mine to be ready and working 12 to 14 hours a day. Well in sticking to what I know I made friends with the people that I spent the most time with the people that I worked with. So as time moved on and before I knew it summer was here and I had a large group of friends. I had made a great life for myself and was having a blast. I had moved out of my apartment and into a house with my friend Kevin and his cousin. This was one of the best decisions that I could have ever made. Not only was it cheaper but I made some of the best friends that I have ever had in my life. Jonathan (Kevin's cousin) and I immediately hit it off and were instant friends. The whole neighborhood was like a block party everyone was in the same age group and we all got along for the most part. I was introduced to Jessica and Derek who live around the corner and that was it the 5 of us were together all the time! Jessica and I well there are really no words to describe we are alot alike but then again we balance each other out at the same time. It was not til about this time that I really started dating.
Well it was not too promising I dated some real jerks and had some interesting experiences to say the least. Then it came down to the fact that some things in my life really needed to change so after a lot of thought I made the decision to move back to Northwest Arkansas. This was not a decision that I wanted to make but I had a lot of things that I needed to get away from. My friends on the other hand I will miss terribly!
Well that kinda brings us up to the present I am living back here and I cant even tell you how different my life is here or should I say lack there of. I still have some friends here but most of them are married with kids and dont go out like I am used to. And of corse I am still looking for Mr Right. So keep an eye out I will be keeping you up to date on my search I am sure it will prove to be interesting!
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